MOTHERHOOD ADVICE

During this motherhood journey do you ever think, I wish someone would have just told me… (fill in the blank)? Amazing nuggets of motherhood advice are like gold.

Sure, we absolutely get unsolicited, full of judgement, and even terrible advice at times too. On the other hand, sometimes we get a little dose of info that winds up being a game changer to the way we parent. The way we approach a situation. Even the way we feel.

Welcome to the Woman, Mother, Motherhood Advice feature. Contrary to the rest of the Woman, Mother, [enter a label] series for 2021, this is featuring tips and tricks from The Mom Huddle at large. And I LOVE it!

I solicited advice on everything from engagement with kids to self-care and everything in between. And The Mom Huddle answered.

Enjoy these motherhood advice tips from a team of experts!

BABY ADVICE

First, breastfeeding and leaky boobs (oh yeah, we’re going there):

“Instead of investing in breastfeeding pads – disposable or reusable, both of which are NOT comfortable (preach!!) – all it takes is when you feel your milk start to let down, take a free hand and press firmly against the leaky nipple. The result? It will stop your milk flow and keep you dry.”

Jordan shared this tidbit and said she didn’t learn this until baby #3.

“It was a GAME CHANGER for me! God gives us these amazing things to feed our baby, surely He gives us a way to stop them from flowing.”

Who knew? (not me… I didn’t know this was a thing!)

SAYING NO – EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE CUTE

“As tough as it can feel, kids need to hear a firm “no,” have boundaries, and get in a routine.”

This advice was so spot on but can be one of the hardest when that cute little face looks up at you wanting to break all the rules. 

Expert advice from The Mom Huddle though, stand firm momma. You are doing great!

As I read this advice, I was taken back to Bryce being about 4 years old. He would go to sleep in his bed, but inevitably by 3 in the morning, the little ninja would sneak in and curl up next to me. We’ve established this before, but I sleep like the dead. In turn, this wee hour of the morning visit never really bothered me. In fact, half the time I didn’t even know he was there until the morning alarm went off.

It was cute and I loved the snuggles.

However, it became a nightly thing. Then it began to get earlier and earlier. Eventually leading to him not wanting to start the night in his bed. My allowance of letting loose on one boundary turned into months of trouble with bedtime which hadn’t existed before.

Boundaries, routine and “no” in their safe place with us as parents make them understand rules and feel safe in their environment. Even when they may act as though they want to break all the rules. #toughlove

EMPOWERING KIDS

On the other hand, find opportunities to also say YES, YOU CAN, or YOU ARE RIGHT!

This advice came from Dr. Nerissa Bauer and empowering kids.

“Yes, we need to protect our children and set limits and boundaries. But what if occasionally you did say YES? How empowering would that be to a child? Along with this, a rule of thumb if you find yourself constantly saying no, try to find at least 3-5 other ways to say yes. That way kids are hearing more empowering statements than negative ones.”

For the record, this doesn’t mean a yes to something compromising your family values. Create scenarios though in which your child will get a yes.

As an example, signing your pre-teen up for social media may be off the table for your family, but allowing your child to stay up 15 extra minutes to finish watching a show with you doesn’t feel like a deal breaker. In conclusion, pick your battles.

Being present and thinking through where you want to empower your child can support you in setting up situations where you can give them an empowering YES!

(Totally going to be utilizing and thinking through this for the record!!)

RAISING TEENAGERS

Remember our February feature Adenike Makinde?

“We bring stuff into our lives because it’s what we expect. I just always rejected the idea.”

While this statement can be applied to basically everything in life, she was specifically talking about her approach in each phase with her children. Rejecting the idea that teenagers are bad or will always get into trouble, as examples.

While it’s true, there will likely be moments of rebellion as teenagers figure out their new boundaries and grow into themselves, their entire existence cannot be summed up by a few labels. Just like yours can’t.

Truth bomb.

Her advice is to keep this in mind. Reject the notion to generalize teenagers.

Additionally, talk to them. Keep talking. Even when they don’t want to talk, they are listening. And watching.

Adenike has a very open and honest relationship with her kids. Sharing not only the wins and successes, but also loss and frustration. Obviously, keeping an eye on it being age appropriate, but knowing kids are better off in the long run having open and honest dialogue. Even feeling comfortable knowing they have a sounding board in you as a parent.

KEEPING YOUR IDENTITY

Have you gone through a period where you don’t know who you are any more?

Frankly, I can’t raise both of my hands high enough. As I reflect on this, it seems to coincide with shifts for the kids as well. As an example, from babies to toddlers, from toddlers to starting school, kindergarten to first grade, grade school into middle school… you get the idea. Identity as a mother tied up in what you are doing in the moment for and with your kids.

As this evolves, it can be confusing and even stray away from where we felt a fulfilling purpose.

It’s easy to lose ourselves in the midst of all of the labels we wear, especially the MOM one. Loved these little nuggets to think about from some of our followers.

Jennifer’s motherhood advice:

“Make kids a PART of your world but not the center of it. God chose YOU to be your child’s mother, which means your child needs YOU and all the things that make you unique! Don’t lose yourself in motherhood – rather share yourself with your kids. They will appreciate it much more in the long run!”

Tanya left us with this nugget as well about making time for your marriage. Date nights.

“This year, my husband and I set up a weekly Wednesday date night. Whether it’s a fancy dinner, a bike ride, an escape room adventure, or eating way too much Chinese food on the couch in our pajamas, it’s a scheduled time to connect. I look forward to it every week. I am consistently reminded of why we chose to do life together which brings joy to our marriage, our parenting, and life in general.”

Challenge- Take 10 minutes this week and do something for YOU and only YOU.

HOME REMEDIES

Recently the bees have been TERRIBLE at the baseball fields. Everyone is getting stung, including me last week. This prompted a conversation about home remedies for bee stings I thought I would share.

Baking soda paste is actually one of the top suggestions (multiple sources!). Mixing baking soda with water to make a paste and put on the sting can be very effective in alleviating pain and the itching. However, most ball fields don’t have a box of baking soda just sitting around (hmmm, maybe an addition to the first aid kit?!).

Alternatively, making a little mud paste (yes, dirt and water) can be a decent substitute until you can get home to baking soda.

A few other remedies for stings in general? Witch hazel, nail polish remover, ice, an onion sliced, crushed garlic cloves, and even peanut butter. 

Obviously, this is for someone not allergic to bee stings, but just for general ease of the swelling and itching.

What other home remedies do you have in your family? Throw them in the comments!

SUMMARY- MOTHERHOOD ADVICE

“Never say never. Ever.”

Mollie leaves us with this nugget having kids ranging from late 20s to 12.

It’s hard to deny this motherhood advice: It’s really best never to say never, because well, you never know! Surprises around every corner are normal in motherhood.

Maybe pre-kids, you said you would NEVER put your child on one of those kid backpack leash things. And then you spend one day at an amusement park with a toddler and realize its genius.

Or maybe you think you will NEVER be one of those parents who raises their voice with their children. Bahahahaha!!! Funny now, right? Your dog never talked back to you.

Point is, every mom is fighting a battle we know nothing about. In turn, give them some grace. Meanwhile, throw up a mirror and give yourself that same grace.

Yes, even when it’s time to admit you broke one of your NEVER statements. Is it really that big of a deal? In fact, it probably makes for a great story now.

Find your joy and focus on your joy.

I hope you enjoyed some of these motherhood advice tips no matter what stage you are in with your kids. Maybe this triggered a memory of a tip you want to share with The Mom Huddle. Feel free to share in the comments other advice you would give for ANY stage of motherhood.

 

Your most valuable parenting skill is learning to manage yourself first.  

– Dr. Laura Markham

 

WOMAN, MOTHER, AUTHOR

According to a recent survey, 81% of Americans think they should write a book. EIGHTY ONE PERCENT. That is roughly 200 million people. Now, I know a lot of people. Okay, not 200 million, but let’s talk percentages. Of the people I know personally, TWO have written books and ONE went through a publisher. Consequently, I’m proud to introduce you to the ONE, Jennifer Wright.

Jennifer and I grew up in the same community. You know, Small Town by John Mellencamp kind of place.  However, life has taken her on a great adventure since departing her roots for an undergrad degree at Indiana State and then on to Indiana University for a master’s in journalism.

She met her husband, Jonathan, who is an Air Force pilot. Accordingly, this began her travels around the world and inspiration for storytelling around every bend.

From Germany to South Korea to New Mexico (more than once) to Vegas and everywhere in between, including visiting 13 countries in one year, Jennifer and Jonathan have been on a journey. Not only a journey as a military family, but also as a real time research expedition for Jennifer’s curious mind.

More on that to come.

They have two children, son Matthew (10) and daughter Meredith (7).

Her other baby, newly published book If It Rains, dropped to bookstores on July 6^th, 2021. If you haven’t read it yet, do so now!! In fact, I read it in 3 days. Yep, it’s that good.

Enjoy getting to know our August feature in Woman, Mother, Author… Jennifer Wright.

WRITING BACKGROUND

From an incredibly young age, Jennifer has had her nose in a book. Eventually, this led to what she thought was her calling. Journalism. On the other hand, God was making alternate plans.

“I was a journalist with an NPR station and quickly realized I hated it. It took a certain level of callous to shove a microphone in someone’s face as they watched their house burn down to get a story. I couldn’t do it.”

Even so, the urge to write continued to tug. After spending a few years abroad for Jonathan’s Air Force assignment, the growing Wright family moved back to the states in 2011.

“I had a desire to write and had been writing short stories and other articles while we were abroad. Then when Matthew was a baby, I finally settled in and wrote my first manuscript while we were on assignment in Las Vegas.”

Pause with me for a moment… she WROTE A BOOK while TAKING CARE OF A NEWBORN.

Impressive.

WRITING PURSUIT

Was this book, If It Rains, you might be asking? No. In fact, Jennifer has spent 10 years in total writing, editing, writing some more, and living through 100s of rejections on what she considered great work at the time. Her advice on following a dream.

“You know when you have an inkling inside your heart, where you know what brings you joy. That’s what you need to pursue. Absolutely do it. But I also think if that calling is on your heart, you have to have perseverance. Especially, for example, in the writing game. There were 10 years between when I started writing and when publication of If It Rains happened. I absolutely wanted to quit. There were times I was just crying out to God, why does no one recognize this? But I had this nudge… just keep going.”

When I asked if she would try to get the first two manuscripts published now that she has one published and another on the way next summer, she shook her head no.

“At this point I don’t think so. I mean maybe I will go back and edit them one day knowing what I know now, but there is something about those being mine. Being the start of my writing that honestly feels like I should keep them to myself.”

IF IT RAINS INSPIRATION

If It Rains became an idea for Jennifer as a story line in 2014. Rocking her then infant daughter Meredith as she watched a dust storm roll in across the New Mexico skyline.

“I’m naturally curious and was just in awe of this dust storm. I started researching why these exist, how they form, and it took me down the path of the 1930s and the Great Depression. One documentary I highly recommend is The Dust Bowl by Ken Burns. All of the historical information began to create a story in my head about two sisters living during this era.”

I really want for everyone reading this blog post to go out and read the book, in turn I’m not going to give away too many of the story details. Even so, one of the many cool things about this book is the advice Jennifer was given about writing in general.

“Write what you know. Kathryn and Melissa, the main characters, are loosely based on my own sister Erin’s and my relationship. She is also in a military family, so we don’t get to see each other much, but we text daily and talk all the time. You’ll recognize traces of the motherly instinct of Erin coming out in Melissa’s character. And Kathryn being strong willed and childish at times just like myself (said with a grin).”

Another influence on the characters and the storyline? Wizard of Oz, one of Jennifer’s favorites. Consequently, Kathryn’s adventure in If It Rains was inspired by Dorothy’s encounter with the tinman, lion, and scarecrow.

In hindsight, I absolutely see the connection.

CHRISTIAN HISTORICAL FICTION

If It Rains is considered a Christian historical fiction. It was important to Jennifer the book have elements of faith being challenged and the ways in which the characters grew and responded. And although the book is fiction, it’s historical elements are researched and take the reader on a very realistic journey into what life was like on the plains of Oklahoma during the Great Depression.

“My goal in writing, specifically Christian historical fiction, is for the reader to be challenged, encouraged, and inspired to read other books. So much can be learned through history even if the characters and story themselves are fiction.”

WRITING WHILE A MOTHER

At this point, I was in awe of the fact Jennifer has not only written several manuscripts, but all while also being a mother. Specifically writing her newly published book while having a toddler and an infant. My next question was, HOW ON EARTH DID YOU DO THIS?

“Planning was key. When they were little, I would write during nap time and whenever I could sneak in writing time. It took me almost two years to write the first draft of If It Rains. I can very distinctly remember sitting in the parking lot picking up my son from kindergarten and having my laptop on the steering wheel.”

How do you focus and shift so quickly in those small snippets of time?

“Having a limited window, I had to be focused. I’m a hard-core planner. Therefore, I knew in each writing session what was going to happen in that chapter beginning to end. I had to have that planning so when I sat down, I could get creative then in those 30-minutes with the story. Unquestionably, being a mom and having little ones changed the way I write.”

THE MOM HUDDLE- WOMAN, MOTHER, AUTHOR STYLE

The Wright family has moved a lot over the years. Friendships have been key for Jennifer to maintain not only her sanity, but also her writing.

She has a lot of author friends and is an avid reader of all their books, both for pleasure as well as to learn.

Jennifer credits the publishing of If It Rains to one of her friends and mentors, Samantha.

“She encouraged me to keep going, even when all of the rejections were coming in and I was ready to give up. She told me; you have something here. Just keep going. This is good.”

We all need a friend like Samantha.

She also credits books as being some of her best friends. Books help her get through those lonely times, especially when moving to yet another unfamiliar place.

“They (books) can be a great escape and as silly as this may sound, like some of your best friends. Picking up one of your favorites and getting lost in the story is a lot like visiting an old friend.”

FAITH JOURNEY

How does your own faith come through in the characters?

“I think it’s important to talk about faith in a way that isn’t all about happiness. Sometimes your faith is challenged and that’s where you grow. Additionally, I want to be authentic but also provide inspiration. You can go through horrible things and come out with your faith even stronger. It’s a message I wanted to portray throughout the entire book.”

When working with a publisher, how much of the book did you have to change to make it into what they wanted?

“Tyndale was wonderful. They made suggestions, but it always felt like suggestions and not forcing my hand. I was able to keep the integrity of the story as I wanted, including the ending which was really important to me to have it wrap up the way it did.”

And no, I’m not going to share the ending with you. Nice try.

SUMMARY- WOMAN, MOTHER, AUTHOR

Jennifer’s busy juggling writing, publishing, and promoting her book in addition to being a mother. When asked what advice she had for other mom’s feeling themselves torn and trying to balance: 

“Be present. For Jonathan and I, we never want our kids to feel like mom or dad are putting their careers before them. In turn, I do my best to give them attention when they are with me.”

A good mother day to Jennifer is one where she has been engaging, had a good night’s sleep, and they’ve done what the kids want to do. Feeling as if “Mom’s ours today.”

Days often get filled with “have to do’s”. She ensures the kids have opportunity to engage in a way they want to engage. Whether that’s laying on the floor and coloring, reading, going to see a movie, whatever they decide.

“As moms, we build up in our head and think we have to do really elaborate things with our kids. In reality, they just want to be able to make decisions and feel engaged.”

How has this perspective influenced the book you wrote?

“Every mother has an aspirational mother figure they want to be. For me, Melissa was the character in the book who played a mother figure of who I aspire to be. She’s kind, generous, caring, and who I can be on my good days. But more realistically, I’m probably Kathryn who can be immature and snarky. Every mom has that dichotomy of who they are and who they want to be. Move forward with grace for yourself and do your best.”

Thank you, Jennifer, for sharing pieces of your writing journey and motherhood experience with us. If It Rains is fantastic, and we can’t wait until next summer for Come Down Somewhere!

 

You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself. 

– Glinda, Wizard of Oz

 

WOMAN, MOTHER, DRIVEN LAWYER

Picture this scenario with me. A church nursery on a Sunday morning. Teenage girl patiently helping entertain toddlers as they play with their blocks. However, one particular toddler continues to throw himself to the ground in a full-on tantrum. Despite all efforts, he cannot be consoled. Two adult women off to the side whispering to each other as they point to the tantrum throwing toddler, “well, you know his mom works.”

First off, it is astonishing the impact a simple, thoughtless statement has as we set up our belief systems in life. Amy took me through her story of being a driven lawyer and her journey to this point. Additionally, she shared how being the teenage girl in our nursery scene above caused her years of limiting beliefs about being a working mother while still trying to honor her calling.

Since then, however, she has acknowledged the underlying presence of a skewed belief system and continues to work through the infamous mom guilt. Which is one of many reasons she makes a great spotlight for The Mom Huddle.

We’ll come back to the impact of mom guilt on Amy’s journey later, but first I’d like to introduce you to our feature in Woman, Mother, Driven Lawyer – Amy Cornell.

AMY- WOMAN, MOTHER, DRIVEN LAWYER

Without a doubt, Amy epitomizes the phrase, “be the best.”

She is driven, has a huge heart, grit, and most of all is unapologetically authentic. Her journey into law school didn’t come in the form of family lineage. In fact, her roots of “I was the weird farm kid allergic to everything,” makes her incredibly relatable even with all of her educational as well as professional accolades.

Her journey shows all women it is okay to admit you aren’t happy in the place you are and feel empowered to do something about it. In fact, listening to your gut is more often than not the way to go. Second, it’s natural to alter your lifestyle and even your dreams as life circumstances shift. Lastly, acknowledging the suck in a moment, is not only perfectly acceptable, but also healthy!

Enjoy our feature Amy Cornell: Woman, Mother, Driven Lawyer.

BACKGROUND

Amy grew up on a rural Illinois farm in a loving, Christian home. She attended Purdue University for a degree in management. Next stop, Indiana University Robert H. McKinney School of Law. Eventually, she finished her academic career at the University of Arkansas for a specialized degree in Agricultural Law.

Ag is a fundamental part of who Amy is. In particular, policy and government affairs piqued her interest. In turn, she took on roles with the State Department of Agriculture, adjunct faculty positions at state universities, as well as Policy Advisor and Counsel for Indiana Farm Bureau.

She and her husband, Matt, have always functioned as dual income home. As a lawyer, Amy didn’t know exactly where she wanted to focus her talents, but after a number of years she found her sweet spot. Running a trade association while simultaneously a Vice President at a law firm, Bose McKinney & Evans/Bose Public Affairs.

Admittedly, it is easy to see how Amy connects with her clients. She shows up as herself, is extremely genuine, and has a deep level of care for others. That’s why when she started to feel pulled in more directions than she could mentally handle, it was very difficult to admit.

“I always want to help. There is nothing more fulfilling to me than someone coming to me with a problem and telling me they think I can be the one to help them solve it.”

FAMILY

Matt and Amy waited for a number of years to have children. Then almost seven years ago, they adopted Savannah, the light of their life.

“She is amazing. A little leader in training… a lot like me! She is and will be our only child so is the star of our household. She’s funny, kind, assertive, loves animals and to dance. I’m just extremely grateful for the chance to be a mother.”

Amy describes that they have a role reversal family.

“Matt takes care of so many things for our household that a lot of others would consider likely ‘mom duties.’ He is amazing. He knows how Savannah likes her hot dog cooked, what she eats for breakfast, does his own laundry… to be honest, sometimes it’s hard to admit he does all of this to other women because I get strange looks and feel self-conscious about it.”

THE SHIFT

Amy’s role with Bose was exciting to her. She not only brought in new clients to the firm and worked on policy with local and state officials, but also traveled the world for conferences, speaking engagements, and events.

Simultaneously, it was hard.

“I put all of this pressure on myself to be the best. Doing more than what was even expected of me, but I felt the pressure of my own expectations. Trying to be everything for everyone. While neglecting myself.”

Amy’s mom suffered a brain aneurism and then a number of surgeries and procedures followed. As a result, her mom is confined to a wheelchair and needs around the clock care. This caused a fundamental shift in Amy over the course of a few years.

“As much as I love my clients, they weren’t going to be there to help me in and out of a wheelchair if something happened to me. That would be my family. The realization sort of smacked me in the face that in a lot of ways I was putting everything else ahead of my family. Trying to be everything to everyone.”

PRIORITY- WOMAN, MOTHER, DRIVEN LAWYER

Her wake-up call really came to a head in the spring of 2021. At her current pace, she was missing out on precious family time she no longer wanted to sustain.

As a result, she made the choice to leave Bose while still continuing her role with the Agribusiness Coucil of Indiana. 

“My priorities shifted. Ultimately, I realized I was missing so much with Savannah and Matt. The model was no longer working for me, but I had what I would call the best break-up ever. Bose was nothing but good to me. So supportive and extremely gracious about my decision to leave. Knowing people cared so deeply really helped me work through this shift personally. It’s a special place with a great culture. In particular, I will miss the teammate aspect of it for sure.”

Despite Amy’s humble thoughts on this, I would venture to guess the relationships established had a lot to do with Amy’s genuine personality too!

WOMAN, MOTHER, DRIVEN LAWYER ADVICE TO DAUGHTER

At this point, I was in awe of Amy’s leap from the seemingly glamorous role, not to mention comfort zone, into unknown territory. She is now entirely focused on serving as the President of the Agribusiness Council of Indiana instead of simultaneously trying to juggle being a Vice President at the law firm as well.

“I can’t run around putting out other fires without my own house burning down.”

With this in mind, it felt like not only a great wake up call for Amy personally, but also took great courage to take action and do something about it. I asked what advice she would give to Savannah if she found herself feeling this way in the future.

“Strike the balance. Don’t give up too soon but also understand life is too short to continue feeling so overwhelmed. Only YOU know when you get to that point. Trust in yourself. It is okay if a job isn’t a good fit. But make sure you understand if it’s truly time to make a move or if you are just being big drama (said with a series of giggles!).”

DIFFICULT DECISIONS

In spite of her excitement for the shift to balance, it hasn’t been ALL easy either. Amy admitted it is difficult to stand by and watch others support her former clients. Those relationships were very strong and special to her. Definitely natural for her to have feelings of loss in this shift.

“I’ve learned you have to be willing to be flexible. There are definitely things I’m going to miss. Traveling for work, certain working relationships, being in the thick of everything going on. Even so, I’m also learning it’s okay to allow one dream to shift if there are bigger priorities. I’m at peace and diving all in with a new adventure. I also now have the bandwidth to do things for the Agribusiness Council of Indiana that were just ideas before, but I didn’t have time to implement.”

Her advice to working moms struggling with balance:

“Your family is the one who is going to be there, so invest the time. Think hard about what you are comfortable with as your own work identity and then communicate. It’s okay to want things for yourself career wise. Communicate that with your family and figure out what works best for all involved. Some seasons are really hard and that is okay.”

SUMMARY- WOMAN, MOTHER, DRIVEN LAWYER

Amy is full of energy, and while her plate is full fulfilling ACI members’ wishes, this time, she comes with the experience of knowing she can strike a balance working for not only her but her family as well.

“I’m still figuring this out. For anyone struggling with balance and feeling the conservative Evangelical mom guilt, I see you. I hear you. The fact you are concerned shows your heart is in the right place.”

Amy learned, over the past six years specifically, life ebbs and flows in career priorities between spouses. Additionally, kids tell you what they need either through word or action.

“Savannah sometimes just comes and sits with me on the couch. She needs me and it feels good. She won’t always want to do that; therefore, I’m soaking up these precious moments.”

Amy’s professional success comes from a career of showing up and being genuine. Her drive right now is showing up and being genuine for her family and the Agribusiness Council of Indiana. From there, sky’s the limit.

“For anyone out there in a tough season, you will make it too. In fact, I’m hugging you through the screen right now.”

Thank you, Amy, for sharing your journey with The Mom Huddle!

 

Balance is not something you find, it’s something you create. 

– Jana Kingsford

 

2021 BLOG SERIES- WOMAN, MOTHER, BEHAVIORAL PEDIATRIC DOCTOR

Motherhood, career, child behavior stress. Not knowing what to do as a parent. Even feeling guilt or unease about your skills…or lack thereof. Subsequently wondering what others think of you and bouncing between trying not to care and analyzing yourself to death.

Any of this sound familiar? I have good news. You are not alone. In fact, even trained pediatric doctors have similar thoughts in their own motherhood journey. Don’t believe me? Meet Dr. Nerissa Bauer. Woman, Mother, Behavioral Pediatric Doctor.

Frankly, I found our conversation FASCINATING.

After a career in academia and a medical pediatric practice, Nerissa took a leap into entrepreneurship. Specifically, she now works with families of children diagnosed with ADHD, depression, anxiety, and other behavioral disorders.

“It’s a privilege to walk with families on this journey. I want to help them feel confident. Not everything can be prescribed and it’s important to meet them where they are. I recognize there are universal struggles, but I utilize a tailored approach for understanding and to instill confidence with my families.”

Enjoy getting to know Dr. Nerissa, Woman, Mother, Behavioral Pediatric Doctor!

EVOLUTION OF DR. BAUER- WOMAN, MOTHER, BEHAVIORAL PEDIATRIC DOCTOR

Nerissa completed her residency at the University of California San Diego where she also met her husband, Benjamin. She described the med school experience:

“While in med school, all I really knew was taking care of patients. Obviously, that’s what a doctor is and does. On the other hand, after launching into my career, I recognized additional avenues beyond diagnosing and treating. For instance, teaching and research became a big part of my medical journey.”

During her training in San Diego, the tragic Columbine school shooting took place. A pivotal point in not only Dr. Bauer’s career, but also her approach with patients and families.

First, she saw the trauma this incident caused in her pediatric patients and wanted to figure out a way to educate not only kids but also the parents. Additionally, she was adamant about more education on gun safety in her own patient interactions.

She and Benjamin then moved to Seattle where she attended the University of Washington to earn her Master’s in Public Health. Nerissa became engrossed in the research. Fascinated to improve not only the behavioral care in children through primary care, but also improving the systems for parents. Above all, education and tools being the primary focus.

“Discussing parenting as a doctor with parents in a 15-minute wellness appointment is HARD (impossible). Yet parenting is a big and overwhelming responsibility. No one is trained to do this job.”

For the record, I’ve never felt more seen than in that moment. YES!

BURN OUT TO CALLING

The Bauer family moved to Indianapolis for Nerissa’s work at the IU School of Medicine. Her roles there consisted of clinical rotations, teaching, and research. Additionally, in 2016, Dr. Bauer started a blog, Let’s Talk Kids Health.

Let’s Talk Kids Health is a play on words. One of Dr. Bauer’s foundational teachings for parents is to stop utilizing the word “let’s” unless you plan to actually participate with them. For example, “let’s clean up the toy room.” The word let’s implies you will be cleaning with them versus giving them the task of cleaning the toy room themselves.

Such a simple and interesting shift!

For a time, the blog filled the void she was feeling, but after 13 years in academia at the hospital, she felt called to do something different. In addition, she hit burn out trying to wear so many different hats day in and day out.

Extremely grateful to be able to take time off, she did so to process her thoughts on where she wanted to make the most impact.

In turn, Nerissa shifted her focus more specifically to the blog and how this parent platform could be expanded. Her goal always being to engage, educate and empower kids and their families, in particular those with behavioral challenges.

Parent training workshops began to take form.

“I saw an opportunity to support families by educating on the subject of ADHD to both the kids and the parents. Kids with ADHD now learn why their brain works in this way. This understanding then helps them to be more confident and compassionate as a family. I love watching the transition into confidence of my families.”

Her 8-week course takes a family on a mission. Even assigning kids the role of detectives in their own adventure. Equipped with tools and props to keep the kids engaged while learning about their brain. One of her graduates described the process:

“Each mission assigned a task at home that didn’t feel like homework but aimed to develop new habits and routines to address the deficits related to ADHD. I give this course 5 great big stars and a bear hug for the thoughtful moments of affirmation spread through the training in super-secret missions.”

RAISING KIDS AND BEING A BEHAVIORAL PEDIATRICIAN

At this point, I was so curious what it was like to be a doctor, nonetheless a pediatrician, and have kids of her own. It felt to me like being an expert in this area would be amazing! Nerissa laughed…

“When my daughter was around 3 or 4, I was working at Riley and specialized in teaching pediatricians specifically for the 2-12 age group. My daughter was in a stage of having awful tantrums. While out in public or at home with the windows open and she had a tantrum, I would think to myself… ‘WHY WOULD ANYONE LISTEN TO ME????’ It was a really eye-opening experience and I believe helped me walk with patients and their families with more empathy.”

She also shared the mixed emotions of having a very busy job and wanting to ensure work-life balance not only for her but also for her young family. This became a larger struggle as the kids got older and she took on more and more responsibilities with her work.

Her kids were a big catalyst to her taking the leap and trying something different from the research and teaching she was so accustomed to. In fact, Jack (14) and Emma (11) have been extremely supportive of Nerissa’s newest business venture into entrepreneurship.

“I feel like I have a second chance in my career. A rebirth to the career fulfillment piece for myself. It’s exciting!”

A few keys Mother AND Doctor Nerissa shared about raising kids:

• Have the conversation. Always. Be proactive. For example, she has a great resource for starting the conversation about guns you can find here.
• Kids thrive in structure and routine.
• You can’t take the mothering out of a mom, but we need to give ourselves permission to fuel our own tank. Don’t lose your identity. In fact, modeling this behavior to our children is extremely important.

 LET’S TALK KIDS HEALTH

While Dr. Bauer still sees patients two days a week, she also has established a number of programs to support families. A lot of these resources pivoting to virtual in 2020 and having a larger than expected impact.

First, Facebook lives for Listen & Learn sessions for families. Dr. Bauer is joined by nationally recognized experts to discuss parenting, mental health and other family topics. A great way to supplement topics parents discussed with their pediatrician but would subsequently love further discussion.

Second, Read & Grow with the parenting book club. A group setting for reading popular parenting books with twice a month interactive discussion. Parents gain perspective and communicate with not only Dr. Bauer, but also other parents facing similar challenges.

Finally, Commit & Take Action through virtual courses specific to behavioral health. Supporting families to find their strengths and remind them they can get through this as a team. “Where you are now is not where you will be down the line.” Giving families hope and confidence to work towards their unique NorthStar.

“Kids are resilient and have so much to teach us. Give them the why and they are fine.”

I absolutely loved this line. It was in reference to 2020 and everything kids and families have gone through but applied to so much of our conversation. Dr. Bauer was not downplaying the effects of 2020 by any stretch. But rather simply pointing out adults can learn quite a lot from the kids and how they are bouncing back.

When I asked what she has learned from 2020 and being an entrepreneur, here was her response:

“I learned there are different ways to help and meet them (the families) where they are. Through education and support. I am feeling fulfilled and also as though I’m reaching a larger audience with my blog, Facebook lives, and parenting book clubs. You can’t always know the impact, but the information is out there and that makes me feel as though what I’m doing is important.”

I couldn’t agree more and immediately went online and signed up as a subscriber to Let’s Talk Kids Health.

BEHAVIORAL PEDIATRIC DOCTOR SUMMARY

Dr. Bauer left the world of academia and a hospital practice to pursue something of deeper meaning for herself. She saw an opportunity for more parent and children education, and she took the leap. What an inspiration she is!

And yet, she is humble enough to note that she doesn’t feel like an expert parent, nor will she interact with her parents as if she is all knowing. This was extremely evident when one of her parents passed by as we sat outside and enjoyed our smoothies. The parent was so excited to meet her in person (all virtual up to this point) and you could feel the appreciation and love of Dr. Bauer and her teaching.

I couldn’t have planned this interaction, but it was a wonderful example of the impact this Behavioral Pediatric Doctor is having on not only our children, but also parents. Feeling seen, feeling heard, and feeling we have strengths to build upon.

“Where you are now is not where you will be down the line. Remember how hard it was to potty train? But you did it!”

Simply reminding parents they have gotten through hard things before, and they will again.

In summary, be okay asking for help. Put on your oxygen mask first… and not just on a crashing airplane, but in life.

Dr. Bauer’s last piece of advice for moms in today’s world?

“You can’t take the mothering out of a mom, but we need to give permission to ourselves to fuel our own tank. I encourage women not to forget who they are while they are also a mother.”

 

 

Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you. 

– Ruth Bader Ginsburg, U.S. Supreme Court Justice

 

2021 BLOG SERIES- WOMAN, MOTHER, SALES EXECUTIVE TURNED PODCASTER

Have you ever heard the expression if you need something done, ask a busy person? For the record, this expression embodies the spirit of our next blog feature, Margaret Weniger. Woman, Mother, and Sales Executive Turned Podcaster.

Margaret and I initially met through a Linking Indy Women networking event. Her inclusive spirit and fun demeanor created an immediate connection for the two of us. However, it was during our second conversation I mentally started to tally up the little snippets of things Margaret casually mentioned. From there, it dawned on me just how much this successful woman is tackling. All of it in the spirit of promoting other women and creating a safe space to follow YOUR dream. Whatever that dream may be.

Margaret shares with us pieces of her journey both professionally and into the motherhood space. A key for Margaret always being in a learning and growth mindset. By no stretch has this been easy for her. In fact, she has gone through being fired from sales executive positions which felt very soul crushing and confusing at the time. She also went through the emotions of resisting her calling because of self-doubt and even some imposter syndrome.

“My inner fraud kicked in when I thought about creating this community for women.”

Even through this though, she has found peace. Additionally, has come to the understanding there is nothing wrong with her (or you). In fact, we’re all quite normal being abnormal. Through working with a coach, validating her thoughts and feelings, self-reflection and visualization, Margaret has a great story to share.

“Whatever you do, don’t force yourself through. You’re just ignoring the problem.” 

THE WOMAN BEHIND SALES EXECUTIVE TURNED PODCASTER

Margaret is mother to a son Bodi (5), daughter Dillon (3), and a baby boy due in June. She and husband, Luke, live in Atlanta, GA and enjoy a busy life chasing around their kids while simultaneously enjoying successful careers.

Holding various sales executive positions, Margaret has always enjoyed training salespeople and is drawn to high potential individuals. Without a doubt, a constant learner, who absorbs content from books to podcasts to articles.

“To be honest, I love work. Motherhood, especially in the beginning, has been hard. I wouldn’t consider myself a baby person, so the transition to slowing down in my career came with a little bit of resentment.”

I LOVED her vulnerability in this statement. As a woman who felt a similar conflict at the birth of my own children, the guilt and shame that can follow these natural emotions can be overwhelming. In turn, we don’t share this information due to fear of what others will think or shame in our own admission.

Ironically, if we did, we would likely find others feeling a similar emotional roller coaster of mom and career guilt.

Only after she recognized and acknowledged these feelings did she move into a place of acceptance.

“I got to a point where I accepted the stage we were in with the kids. Not trying to maintain the pace and schedule but rather focusing on this being a season. NOTHING is permanent.”

#truth

Her advice for stepping into the career Mom transition…

“We become really good at efficiency and priority. Quality over quantity. Ask yourself what the best use of your time is. And again, remind yourself this is a SEASON.”

RISING TIDE PODCAST- SALES EXECUTIVE TURNED PODCASTER

A networker by nature, sales executive by trade, and women supporter by calling, she found herself immersed in the company of amazing stories.

Alternatively, she recognized a platform didn’t exist to share the women’s incredible stories to a broader audience. As a result, Margaret started the Rising Tide podcast in October of 2020 to fill this void.

Admittedly, she found herself resistant to being that woman. It was not a quick or easy transition for sales executive turned podcaster Margaret.

“I really didn’t want this to be my calling. I had spent a long time in a male dominated industry and establishing myself. Frankly, I didn’t want to be seen as a woman activist. It was a year and a half in the making before I finally stopped resisting what kept getting thrown in my face.”

RESISTANCE TO ALL IN- SALES EXECUTIVE TURNED PODCASTER

Part of the resistance stemmed from feeling like supporting women in the workplace was too big of an issue to tackle. Additionally, to shift from a place of resistance to all in, she changed her perspective on what it meant to be a woman activist.

This is where her sales training supported her. Margaret knew she wanted to keep her platform productive. It’s not a space to vent and complain but rather to share a journey. Solve the root of problems and be authentic.

“I don’t like it when people push air. For instance, sometimes in sales you can have a lot of hype but provide little value. It was important to me to make sure the Rising Tide podcast was more than pushing air. Ultimately, it’s about providing actionable insights.” 

Furthermore, Rising Tide is designed to support you and what you want in your career. YOU decide and that’s great. The premise being we all have our opinions and likely won’t agree on every detail, but the more exposure women can have, the better, more confident decisions they make for their own path.

Her advice when feeling pulled and resisting…

Decide what it is you are trying to do. Reflect. For example, is it climbing the corporate ladder? Is it starting a new business? Even being a super present mom? Whatever it is, take some time to acknowledge this and then figure out a way to achieve sustainable and amazing results in this particular season. Reminding yourself it can always change. Nothing is permanent.

BLAMING HERSELF

Margaret has walked through an interesting career path with unbelievable twists and turns and has rolled with these punches like a champ. Coming out the other side not angry and bitter, but rather empathetic and clear headed.

Two times now, she was the first person on staff to become pregnant at software startups. Both companies too new to have an existing maternity policy, much less thoughts on how new parenthood would affect the work environment. Her advice for someone finding themselves in this space…

“Pay attention. My alarm bells were going off, but I ignored them. I also took way too much responsibility for this being my problem. I now realize this was not about my capabilities or even my engagement at work. It’s okay to have the conversation with yourself. There’s a move you can make. What are you getting out of this work experience and is it worth it?”

I definitely can’t wait for you to get your Scaling a Family While Scaling a Startup book published! (My shameless plug for you to get started on this book Margaret!! LOL.) Here is an article she wrote on this subject for anyone finding themselves in this space. It’s amazing!

HIRE MORE WOMEN

One of the problems she sees with companies is a focus on “hire more women” without much thought beyond the statement. While this may be a great start, what is the company doing to ensure women feel a belonging to the organization once they’re in it? Additionally, their ability to be authentic in the workplace. Even training and development for future growth.

And we haven’t even gotten into policies on parental leaves and schedule flexibility for family emergencies. Who hasn’t gotten the dreaded fever call from daycare?! UGH!

Margaret’s advice?

Don’t assume you have to know everything. Stand in your power and ask. Before you immediately default to blaming yourself, take a step back and think about it more objectively. As women, we’re so hard on ourselves… what advice would you give your friend? Now be your friend.

RAISING A FAMILY- ADVICE TO HER KIDS

Finally, I asked Margaret what some key pieces of advice are she will give to her children as they grow up.

“Try as many things as you can.”

The more exposure you have, the more you are in the habit of being new to something. It becomes less scary and crippling and more your normal. In addition, more exposure increases the likelihood they will find something sooner than later that lights them up inside.

A second piece of advice was about reputation.

“When you commit to something, do a really good job. This is how you start to build a reputation.”

Lastly, “realize people don’t think like you do.”

This is beautiful actually because it not only makes you a special and unique individual, but it also makes you curious. In fact, this curiosity leads to more exposure and learning more about yourself and others.

SUMMARY

In summary, Rising Tide was created as a community for women to understand others have similar thoughts and feelings. Connection through a similar journey or thought process. Even a space where women understand they are not alone and their abnormal is actually quite normal.

“When thinking about what you really want to do, take some time. Suspend logic and ask yourself, if you could have it the way you want, what would this look like?”

Visualizing with no rules and then taking a step back to figure out what steps would need to happen for this to become a reality. This can be with work, a side hustle, family, starting something new, anything.

There are so many things you can do. Set a course and take a step.

Unsolicited (LOL), she also recommends hiring a coach if you have the financial means to do so. Coaching not only creates accountability but also provides time for you to check in with yourself without just floating through life with nothing to give to anyone.

In closing, Margaret’s calling is currently to be the platform for women to share their journeys.

She leaves you with this:

“Continue to show up. Stay open. Your current situation doesn’t stop you from what you want to do. It just might not be on the timeline you originally thought. The key, however, is to continue listening to yourself and taking the best next step.”

Thank you, Margaret, for sharing your story. In particular, the amazing nuggets of great advice. The Mom Huddle community can’t wait to support Rising Tide!

 

Every day focus on your purpose. Remember why you do what you do. We don’t get burned out because of what we do. We get burned out because we forget why we do it.

– Jon Gordon

 

2021 BLOG SERIES- WOMAN, MOTHER, WOMEN IN HISTORY

First off, I want to talk about Women’s History Month. How many women of influence can you think of from your own life? I feel fortunate to have more than I can count. Admittedly though, my mind went to those powerful women making a BIG splash publicly in the world both now and in history.

I love following Sara Blakely, for instance. So inspirational and oh yeah, just happens to be the youngest woman self-made billionaire and founder of Spanx. She’s pretty amazing!

How about Serena Williams or Dawn Staley in sports? Inspiring and strong figures for young women to admire.

Then switching gears to powerful women as authors and public speakers… Brene Brown, Glennon Doyle, and Coach Dar. Check, check, check. In fact, I love their impact and encouraging messages!

Recently though, a post on LinkedIn caused a shift in me. Marcie Wibright shared the story of her daughter working up the ranks within FedEx and into a management role. Furthermore, she is the youngest and first female manager in this space. Shattering her own ceiling. However, likely not something you are going to see on the nightly news. In contrast, definitely something to be celebrated!

This post was a bit like a smack over the head… I thought to myself:

Don’t forget to celebrate the powerful women who may not be making headlines but are still taking little steps every day to their own big dreams. And in fact, inspiring you.

In turn, this made me reflect on one very particular powerful woman in my history. My mom.

G-I-R-L, would I give anything to be able to interview her for this blog post.

The interview unfortunately can’t happen since she passed in 2007. Even so, I decided for this month, I would do my best to share some of the advice I feel like she passed on to me in the 28 years I was able to have her HERE as my Mom.

POWERFUL WOMEN

My sister and I often talk about this first point. Empowered women empower women.

It’s never dawned on us that we COULDN’T do or be something. In fact, it’s kind of a little disturbing when women (or men for that matter) say they can’t do something. WHAT?!

Feeling empowered is a quality so engrained in our DNA, it’s actually quite shocking when someone says otherwise.

On International Women’s Day, I saw a lot of inspirational posts with the quote:

Here’s to strong women: May we know them, may we be them, may we raise them.

Wow! I am so very fortunate to feel I was raised as one, by one.

For the record, I am not saying this without acknowledging I have heaps of self-doubt sometimes I have to work through. Above all though, I KNOW within my heart of hearts I can do whatever I put my mind to. Even with trembling knees and a shaky voice.

This empowerment came from my mom. Why? Because she never doubted. Externally that is. Yes, there were expectations of being a lady (said with an eyeroll and sarcastic tone) and manners, etc. However, the confines of what “women should do” both personally and professionally were not present.

After college, I set off into the world of sports as an occupation. My mom admittedly did not understand WHAT the role was, but that didn’t matter. She was excited for me to dive into a new adventure. Even empowered me to feel I could achieve whatever I set out to do.

I have no doubt she was cheering me on from the pearly gates as I made the leap from an almost two decade corporate career into entrepreneurship. “Yep, you can do this if you put your mind to it Heather. I have no doubts.”

I don’t remember a time in my life ever NOT feeling empowered to figure it out.

In short, empowerment led to being empowered.

POWERFUL WOMEN- CHOOSE TO CHALLENGE

Last week, I attended the Indiana Sports Corp celebration for International Women’s Day with the theme Choose to Challenge. Throughout the entire presentation, I couldn’t help but think of my mom.

While this goes along with feeling empowered, Choose to Challenge simultaneously feels like its own topic. We can be complacent about our circumstances. On the other hand, we can do something about it.

Bi***ing for the sake of bi***ing has no place. Absolutely, you can vent sometimes, but at the end of the day if you aren’t going to take action… your venting is just noise.

If you don’t like it, take action.

I can think of so many examples where mom didn’t like how a situation was playing out. Never once do I remember complacency. Maybe she instinctively knew her life on this earth would be cut short so there was no time to stand still.

On the other hand, maybe this was also engrained in her deeply as well. Whatever the reason, make a move. Take action.

This wasn’t just through talk either. She walked the walk. Being of service to others. If something needed done, she wasn’t known for just standing around while people discussed it. She MOVED. Constantly.

In my mind, choosing to challenge can come in a lot of forms. Whether it comes to challenging the status quo of women, standing up against racism, serving others through community support, or whatever drives you as a human, Choose to Challenge.

Don’t just gripe to gripe. DO something.

You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.

– C.G. Jung

POWERFUL WOMEN SUPPORT OTHERS

Additionally, my mom had great friends. In fact, from all walks of life and all different periods too. This was way more influential than I realized in the moment.

Modeling a behavior of supportive women surrounding themselves with supportive women.

Because of the support they showed each other it became something I sought out in my own friendships without even realizing it.

Someone once told me, “never trust a girl with no girlfriend or a guy with no guy friends. There’s a reason no one is surrounding them.”

I’ve yet to find a scenario to disprove this statement.

When you support others, they support you in return. Find your people. And don’t be afraid to keep finding your people. Some are there for a particular season while others are lifers.  Without a doubt, both necessary.

In addition, encouraging other women doesn’t take away from you and your success. Seeing someone else succeed and being truly happy for them is energy that feeds you. This, I learned from my mom. Jealousy and bitterness have no place in our heart.

“Get over that shit.”

My mom had a potty mouth at times. It was entertaining.

POWERFUL WOMEN HAVE FUN

“Don’t take yourself so seriously.”

While I didn’t grow up in a particularly monetary wealthy family, we certainly always had a wealth of fun. This I attribute to my mom’s steadfast belief in always greeting someone with a smile. As well as this… life is short, have fun.

When she passed, the newsletter write-up about her for the Purdue History department where she worked read, “we in the department will always remember her infectious sense of humor, vivacious personality, and welcoming smile.”

She loved everyone until there became a reason not to. And then she still loved them but from a distance.

She was known to write funny scripts for everything from Share-The-Fun 4-H skits to athletic banquet entertainment sketches. Poking fun at everyone and always turning a gathering into a festive occasion. Her welcoming spirit was a true testament to her love of people and fun.

SUMMARY- POWERFUL WOMEN

My mom didn’t pass away with a bunch of accolades or making the news about her impact to women in history. However, reading Marcie’s LinkedIn post last week was a great reminder of my own mom’s influence as a powerful woman.

There are amazing figures both currently and in history making a significant mark in our world. Even so, don’t forget about the ones you may not read about in the news but are nonetheless having an impact on you.

I’ll leave you with some key take-aways from my mom.

First, empowered women empower other women.

Second, find your huddle. Choose to challenge when it’s important to you. And don’t take yourself so seriously.

Finally, you get to choose what your legacy will be. Don’t take this responsibility lightly.

Thank the women in your own history who have influenced you. It’s time to celebrate all of those accomplishments whether they make the history books or not. And then, go take action towards something you believe in.

 

The only impossible journey is the one you never begin.

– Tony Robbins