WHO ARE YOUR CO-WORKERS?

I’m sure you have seen the hilarious challenges floating around on social media asking people to name something their kids or pets do as if they are co-workers. It’s pretty entertaining. Obviously, we are all searching for things to keep us entertained and furthermore sane in the craziness of life as we know it right now. To that end, I had an idea. Meet my co-workers: Jeremy, Jake, Bryce, Thor, and Gary.

I’ve referred to this place as the Lowey Fraternity House, otherwise known as my home. Weird stuff goes down here all the time. Nevertheless, when you are used to it, it’s really just normal life. Then I remembered while a lot of the things happening here are normal for us, it’s probably eye-opening, entertaining, or disturbing (maybe all of the above) for others. I hope you enjoy the story of my co-workers in this co-living and co-working space.

Most importantly, I pray you and yours stay healthy and sane in this crazy time.

Employee of the Month: Gary

MEET MY CO-WORKERS: GARY

I will start with the sweetest of my co-workers. Gary. Mrs. Gary if we’re being formal, but on the contrary, SHE is anything BUT formal. Correct, Gary is a girl. Rumor has it she had a pretty rough upbringing. I mean her adoptive parents changed her name from PJ to Gary even though it was discovered she was actually a girl. Apparently, she was abandoned and lived in foster care for a few weeks before being adopted. This SOUNDS great, but her adoptive situation was utter chaos most of the time. I’ve heard terms like Lowey Fraternity House and nut house thrown around. Constantly people at the house, kids running amuck, a real three-ring circus kind of place.

Anyway, back to her work. While she is an absolute sweetheart, she does some super weird things. For example, earlier this week, she walked into my office, looked right at me and threw up on the floor. Then she continued to sit there and look at me for a little while longer. Eventually, she walked out of the room without saying a word. To make matters worse, my co-worker Jeremy walked into my office and stepped in it. For the record, he kind of lost his ever-loving mind. Oh well, he gets this way about messes in the office.

I think everyone really loves Gary around here though because she has such a sweet demeanor. In fact, she loves to give hugs. I swear, she is snuggly with even the strangers who come into the office. Weird if you ask me.

She does this super odd thing though of jumping onto the break-room countertop. Heat up lunch or prepare a coffee and she’s likely to be sitting on the countertop watching. Weird office behavior, but what can you do when she is getting employee of the month every other month. Truth be told, I have NO IDEA what her job is, but her boss, Bryce, loves her. He even laughs when she walks around the office carrying nerf darts in her mouth. WTH? 

Employee of the Month: Thor

MEET MY CO-WORKERS: THOR

I mean, you guys seriously need to meet this guy. When he gets bored or angry, he literally uses his nails and scratches furniture!! Who does he think he is… God of Thunder or something? He’s a real piece of work.

Additionally, he is super curious and likes to perch on the back of chairs. Sometimes even when someone is sitting in the chair! I seem to be the only one around here who thinks this is odd behavior.

He is also a total micromanager. Watching every little step with big curious eyes. When he does it to me, I stare back but it honestly doesn’t seem to faze him. Jake talks to him during those zone out moments but doesn’t seem to be bothered by the fact Thor just stares back at him. Typically, Thor doesn’t even answer and often just walks away mid-sentence.

Frankly, he’s pretty lazy. Constantly sitting in the sunshine from windows and doors, even if it’s in the way of someone’s entry to the building.

Thor’s favorite employee is Bryce, which is kind of funny since they are in different reporting lines. Jake does get a bit jealous with Thor’s favoritism towards Bryce when it comes to reviews (bedtime). I keep trying to make Jake understand it’s because Bryce brings Thor food all the time, but Jake disagrees.

Employee of the Month: Jake

MEET MY CO-WORKERS: JAKE

This one, boy does he complain a lot if he’s having a bad day. He definitely thinks he does ALL the work around here. Carrying more than his fair share of the workload. Jeremy tries to explain if he wouldn’t rush through things so quickly, he wouldn’t have to re-do tasks and feel so overwhelmed. It falls on deaf ears most of the time.

The funny thing is, he rides a hoverboard around the office from the minute he walks in the door at 8 am until he makes his way home (to his room) at the end of the day (bedtime). It’s hard to take someone seriously for management potential when they ride around on a hoverboard all day. On the contrary, he thinks he is totally ready for a manager position and wants to sit in on all of Bryce’s reviews. Always a comment with this one….

He is lighthearted though and tries to turn most tasks into a game. Why we have so many Legos in the office, I will never know. Regardless, he took it upon himself to sort them by color this week. Even made a basketball game in plastic containers by color for sorting. Again, management material? TBD. But Bryce, Thor, and Gary all got in on the action for a while. Leadership potential for sure. Too bad it wasn’t a more worthwhile business task like balancing the budget or doing the taxes.

Jake has natural leadership skills, so I think with some good mentorship, there is a lot of potential. He has aspirations for being a CEO one day, but time will tell.

Employee of the Month: Bryce

MEET MY CO-WORKERS: BRYCE

I can’t get a read on this guy. He’s SUPER helpful one minute but conversely flies off the handle the next over seemingly nothing. It’s borderline cray-cray if you ask me. For the record, no one does. I just sit over here and write emails, update websites, write for our publication, pay the bills, manage operations, party plan, meal prep for in-house functions, you know, just a few things…. But who’s complaining?!

Anyway, back to Bryce. He and Thor are super tight, like I mentioned. First off, they even go to the bathroom together. Jeremy is so weirded out by this. I’ve even had to have a discussion with both Bryce and Thor about it. They claim they just like to take their breaks together, but someone caught Thor watching Bryce in the shower after they went to the gym the other day. Next, I guess I’ll have to address THAT.

Bryce loves to bring food in for all of the employees. His specialty is zucchini bread and it is a crowd favorite. Although Jeremy’s calorie counting always suffers when Bryce does this. Then we all subsequently have to hear about how many calories are in various foods. BORING…

Even though he can be a bit temperamental, Bryce does help everyone around the office with their workload. He also takes his position as the office philanthropy chair very seriously. Pushing us to ensure we get our volunteer hours in each year.

Employee of the Month: Jeremy

MEET MY CO-WORKERS: JEREMY

As much as everyone gives him a hard time for his Dad-like demeanor, Jeremy believes in setting the bar high for this team. In addition, he does the lion’s share of the work. Not only does he bounce from call to call, but also assists with operations and other thankless tasks. He even makes lunch for the whole office various days of the week which is a nice treat!

Gary spends a lot of time in his office, which CLEARLY gets the rumor mill going about the two of them. Despite the rumors, I think they just enjoy spending time together in quiet. The rest of the office environment is so loud and boisterous throughout the day, it’s hard to get anything accomplished.

Jeremy is looking to promote Jake or Bryce to give them some additional responsibility. I’m just unsure of who is ready for it. We’re here together all the time and I can’t take any more complaining or questions on how to do something. It can be maddening and really cuts into time for the start-up business division I’m creating.

Employee of the Year: Heather

MEET MY CO-WORKERS SUMMARY

As for me, clearly, I’m perfect in every way and should be the president of this company. I’m being told if I prove myself over the next two months, it’s highly likely. Fingers crossed I can practice empathy, patience, compassion, and not losing my s**t long enough for this to occur.

Last but not least my friends, I wish you grace and sanity with your own “co-workers” as you try to maintain normalcy in work AND home life. In all seriousness, if you feel you are losing it, stop, take a breath, and decide what would serve you best in the next moment. If it means stopping for a good cry, do it. Additionally, if it means seeking out someone to talk to, do it. Find something supportive to you and furthermore, don’t be embarrassed for whatever it is. As I mentioned in my last post, the only judgment you are going to get from me is if you are shaming someone else.

And with that, I leave you my most favorite tweet yet since this pandemic began:

If there’s a baby boom in 9 months, it’ll consist entirely of first-born children.

– Winston Chang @winston_chang

(Thank you Winston, this has made me laugh over and over!)